Elevator Etiquette

I am on an elevator multiple times a day, Monday-Friday, for about ten years now. I have a little experience in how to carry yourself on an elevator, or how to piss of people you don’t like.

Both the good and the bad are easy and take minimum effort.

All of these can be used to help or hinder people in elevator world;

1. When you see the doors to the elevator open, don’t bum rush the door to get on (like you’re in some big hurry) as there may be people who are going to get off. Crazy idea people wanting to actually get off the elevator, but it’s the truth, it happens.

2. When you get on the elevator, don’t go to the back and then tell someone else to press your floor button for you. I mean unless there is someone dry humping the floor buttons you can press it yourself, you have fingers, get to work.

3. GET THE FUCK OFF THE PHONE ASSHOLE!!! This includes being on your stupid ass bluetooth too. This is rude even if there happens to be only one other person on the elevator with you. The last thing I want to hear on my ride is someone repeatedly saying, “What?…You what?….wait, I can’t hear you…” and raising their voice while they do it. Because we all know that yelling will make that lost connection alllll better.

(Side note: I am a simple man for the most part so I believe with all my heart that unless you are on your Playstation3 or driving in your car that bluetooth headsets should be all gathered together and set down in some random small down and just set on fire. I would personally love to see them burn. It could be like the book burning in Fahrenheit 451.)

4. When you get on the elevator, and there is enough room to move around, find a spot quick and just stand there. Easy enough right? Not for some people.

My personal favorite is when I am standing at the back of the elevator, tons of room in front of me and yet the person getting on decides, “Oh, what the hell, I just feel like standing as close to this person in the back as possible…”

5. If there is no room on the elevator, and I realize this is hard for people to grasp, but don’t get on. Just…don’t get on. If you look at the people on there and there isn’t room just err on the side of caution and wait for the next elevator. Odds are it’s already crammed and the last thing that elevator needs is another person jamming themselves in.

6. If I get on the elevator at the 14th floor with someone else and they push the 13th floor button my brain starts to hemorrhage with anger. Unless you are pushing a cart or are actually physically unable to walk the stairs down ONE FLOOR (i.e wheelchair, crutches, blind), I have a problem with this.


About Will King

I've spent my whole life in Upstate New York and I wouldn't want to spend my life anywhere else. My son is perfect, even when he's not and my wife makes me want to slam my head against a brick wall all while keeping me sane. If you can figure all that out, let me in on it.
This entry was posted in my issues/problems, people are stupid, rant. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Elevator Etiquette

  1. derryX says:

    For a minute, I thought I wrote this!

    This is awesome!!

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