(First let me say, I apologize for this post being a little all over the place. This topic makes me a little emotional and so I get a little scattered.)
There are so many things that happen in a person’s life. Some people have more bad than good, some more good than bad, some just have balance. No matter what though, everyone has moments in their life that stick with you. Again some good, some bad.
Some even elicit multiple emotional reactions. I want to talk about one of those moments in my life.
My cousin Eric died in an accident in April last year. Even typing that right now brings forth such strong emotions I don’t think I could begin to explain them. Almost all of the time when his name is brought up or something reminds me of him (a song, a funny part in a movie, or just the sense than I miss him) I almost immediately feel my chest tighten slightly, I pause for a second to compose myself because if I don’t that feeling in my chest rises to my throat and becomes a pit, a terrible awful pit, and from there it slides right in behind my eyes and that’s when my eyes begin to glaze over.
I openly admit I am an emotional person. Sometimes I just need a good cry. If he read that sentence just now he would proceed to tell me to “stop being a woman.” I’d then glare at him and he would let loose his cackle of a laugh.
Sometimes I just look out the window on a sunny day and wonder where he is. I’d wonder who he’s poking fun of up there in Heaven.
In the summer (and soon enough when spring arrives) I’ll think about how much this kid loved the warm weather. He’d call up everyone he knew on a nice warm day and ask them what they were doing and if they weren’t doing anything he would tell them what they were about to be doing. He would call me up multiple times during the summer and simply say, “William, you’re having a fire today.” Even if I had no intention of having a fire he would demand a fire take place, “but it’s so fuckin’ nice out dude, you HAVE to have a fire. You are having a fire.” It’s just the way he was.
We’ve had fights. Not just arguments, but full on physical fights. One time I literally head butted him. He never let me forget it. God, he never let me forget it, “Hey William, remember that one time you head butted me?….I do.” Such an asshole sometimes. He obviously followed that up with another cackle laugh.
He could drive people up a frigging wall sometimes. I can still remember his sister Megan chasing his boney ass around with a damn hockey stick. Not as funny when you just read it here, but it was pure comedy when it was happening.
I will always be pissed at him for refusing to hold my son. Will Jr was still very small and Eric refused to hold him until he was able to walk by himself. Who knows why, but damn I wish he could have held him once. It tears my heart out that Will will never know Eric. Only stories. When he’s older I’m sure there will be more than one time when he’ll ask who Eric is. I, also, know that question will break my heart.
You see someone young that has died on the TV news, or in the newspaper, or online, whatever and you if you haven’t experienced it you would think, “wow, that’s terrible” or something of the sort. I did at least. It’s different now. I see those same headlines and I cringe. I cringe because I know the overwhelming pain in that kids family and friends chest. It’s excruciating. It’s the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life.
I wish he was still here. I wish he was still here so I could text him endless texts about having no soul (he’s a redhead), or about the Yankees/Knicks/Giants game. Damn he loved the Yankees. He would have been sad Posada retired, I know that for a fact. I never did go to a Yankee game with him. That hurts, too.
Anyone and everyone that knows him would know he would be basically off the wall about the Giants being in the Super Bowl. He probably would have been at my house watching them advance each week, just as we had done as the Giants won their way to Super Bowl XLII.
I could go on all day about this kid, my
cousin brother Eric. I’ll stop now though. To whoever read this and I depressed, I apologize. I didn’t mean it, I swear. I just had to let a little out of my head, it was starting to spill out and this is where it landed.